Saddest new year’s to date. I know that was happens in 2012 stays in 2012 but the memories come with you. Today I got all pretty and was cheerful at work, I adviced people and I sold and had fun with my co-workers. After that I got home and dyed my hair red again. After everything and all through out the day all I could think about, as hard as I tried not to, was the day I was planning a few weeks ago with him. I wanted to surprise him at work during the day just to say hi and then come back. Today I ended up wearing the dress that I was to wear to our date that was cancelled right after he dropped the bomb on me. After my hair was red and my make up was done, my TV was showing “New Year’s Eve” on HBO and I look at myself in the mirror and I realized I had no one to get pretty for, I had no one to talk to or call at midnight, no one to kiss, no one hold close, no one to even say “I love you” to.
I truly am trying my best and hardest to move one which I know I will but it’s just taking a bit longer than expected, guess that’s what happens when the person you love breaks your heart to dust. As 2013 begins so does a new life, a new chance, a new opportunity and all the bad things that happen on 2012 stay in 2012 still the good things come with you and those are the memories that hurt the most. I no longer cry at nights but tonight is an exception. Tonight I’ll just face my fear and pain of being alone, and I’ll look at my phone and as I remember all those conversations and memories I hope to erase them along the way.