In my Mind
In my mind we were the perfect couple. We wouldn’t necessarily always like the same things but some how we were really alike. In my mind rests all the memories we had together, all five months of them. I still remember the first conversation we ever had, when you asked me out for the first time and how you did it. I remember our first date, and our conversation that night. I remember how I used to stay up all night just to text you during your night shift and then a little but more to talk to you while you drove home, to see if you were awake. I remember how happy you looked and sounded when your son was born and how happy I felt for you. I remember the first time you told me “Te Quiero” and the day that led up to us becoming a couple. I remember how you asked me to be your girlfriend and at what time it happened. I remembered the first time we slept together and how as much as I liked the way you did it, I enjoyed your company above everything else. I remember how that day you gave me the best stuffed animal I’ve ever gotten and how I sleep with him under my arm every night. I remember the all the mornings I invited myself to your house because I missed you so much and because I was a little sleepy a few of those times. I remember all the times I took the train and waited for you after I’d call you early in the morning to come pick me up and all I heard was your groggy voice. I remember the first time I ever gave you a gift and I wrapped it very “The Vow” like. I still remember all the laughs and stupid jokes we ever made, all the stories you told me, all the hugs we ever shared and all of the kisses too. I remember how I’d tell you about surprises and you’d always ask what they were and I refused to tell you. I remember how often I hear SWS and thought about you. I remember the cold night at the beach around everyone and how Ashley just wouldn’t stop taking pictures of us. I remember how at first I was afraid to tell you te quiero or that I missed you because I was afraid you’d think I was being annoying. I remember how much you bugged me by making me blush saying “eejee” and though I said I hated it, I actually loved when you did that. I remember our Good Morning texts. I remember all the times you complimented me and I said thank you when all I really wanted to say was no I’m not. I remember smiling every time you hugged me and how my stomach would get a little upset every time I was about to see you but it was just butterflies and they’d calm down right when I saw you. I remember how I was never able to stop smiling when I saw you and when I was next to you. I remember how amazed I was at the fact that we never had a single fight, not even a light silly one. I remember the first time I realized I was in love with you and I remember how I never told you because I wanted to wait for you, to see if you would feel the same and to not make you feel uncomfortable. I always hoped that one day you’d feel the same. In my mind though I never looked into or imagined the future I did think we’d be together together for a long time (though I never thought of a quantity). In my mind everything was fine…
But in reality you never loved me you most probably you never would’ve. In reality you chose to love somebody else which I really can’t blame you considering your history together. In reality my hope was in vain. In reality, though I’ll never know for sure, you probably thought about her while we were together. In reality I never made you as happy as I’d had hoped. In reality I caught the cruel end of an indecision. In reality you are the second person to break my heart and to top it all off, in a row. In reality you broke all the trust I ever put in you. In reality I am afraid. In reality I was lied to. In reality I was destroyed. In reality I can no longer call you mine.
In the end I hold no regrets, as much as I might try to hate you I just can’t even though everyone has tried to get me to. I don’t hate you, I don’t wish you the worst; on the contrary I wish you the best, I wish that she may make you as happy as I never could and you deserve. In time I’ll be fine, this only covers a sad period that anybody would go through. As I’m writing all I can think is that this is all I wanted to tell you that I never could. I also am hoping that you may never read this but since it’ll be shared on Facebook thanks to publicizing, if you do, I’m sorry for doing so. My biggest regret was not fighting for you in the end and never telling that I love you. I’ll be fine in the end, everyone always is… this letter is just my first step to moving on.