To be honest
To be honest it kinda tires me out very often how much people ask about my sex life. Don’t get me wrong, I am one to talk aboit it as if I were talking abouy daily life. The problem with this is that it’s created some dependency on hearing about it meaning that when I don’t talk about it people start to wonder. Recently as I’ve entered a relationship it has not been a mystery that I have not had sex with him. Not because we don’t want to but because we have not had the chance to, we’ve barely had the opportunity to see eachother. What’s really been getting to me lately is that everybody always asks me about the sex. “Have you had sex with him?” “How’s the sex?”. Most if the times I answer with the truth, we actually haven’t had sex. To be completely truthfull he’s the first person in four that I have not had sex with before becoming his girlfriend. It is actually weird for me but it’s not bad. We have fooled around a bit but haven’t had the chance to go for the actual act. I just feel like everyone expects me to have sex with him, like some sort of reputation I have to uphold that is tarnishing even more every day I go without having him inside of me while I whisper his name. Though I am looking forward the day that he and I actually get to do it, it bothers me that this is the only thing people expect of me; as if I were incapable of waiting, of values, of love…
This is actually the few times when I get to pick out with tweezers my real friends but the thibg is I can’t do that because even my real friends.expect this of me… Honestly it just makes me sort of sick. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, I’ve slept with and given my heart to people that well right haven’t deserved it and I’ve destroyed lives of many that have truly cared for me because of my bad mannered needs of sexual satisfaction but that doesn’t mean that is the only thing I do. I’m trying to put my past behind me and start a painted over with white slate and I honestly don’t need anybody to peel off that paint. I just wish that people would stop expecting sex from me instead of self-respect, morality and love. I just wish people would expect differently from me or better yet: expect nothing at all. Who and when I have sex with is my bussiness and I’ll share mas much or as little as I want about it.
Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: expecting, feelings, hate, hurt, love, needs, thoughts