This is not the usual I post but, I feel like today is the day to get out of the normal music or homework post… I needed to vent so, here I go…

I woke up remembering those I once loved and still love. Those who were really close to me, those I knew and will always be in my heart. Who am I possibly talking about? Yes, you guessed right! My dad, uncle and cousin. I miss them so much. My uncle Cano who was also my baptism godfather; died 9 years ago of cirrhosis plus, he got sick a lot of times. He knew how to make me smile, he knew how to make me laugh. My uncle Cano had a great heart. I was 8 years old when he died and it took me a lot of time to cry for him because, I didn’t realize he was gone until I grew up. I remember, he gave me one of my first dolls. She was blonde, had blue eyes and pink clothes, she was like a baby. After he died, I didn’t wanted to get rid of that doll, I kept her in the car so, no matter where I was, she would be on the way with me. I had her until one day, I got home, couldn’t find her and when I asked my mom; she told me she threw her away because, she was old and filthy… I got so sad, I felt like I didn’t have my uncle with me anymore.  I love you Cano <3

The second one that left us was, my dad, my beautiful angel, my daddy. He died 4 years ago of the same illness my uncle had. The only difference is; he died while waiting for a liver transplant in a hospital in Wisconsin, USA. My mom, brother, sister, the rest of the family and I, were so happy because my daddy was going to be back safe and free from cirrhosis. I was so relieved because, my dad was coming back to Puerto Rico with a new liver, with the hopes of starting a new life. A new path was coming for us. I was so happy because, my daddy was going to be cured from that horrendous illness. I was the closest one to my dad, I was his little princess. But, a week after my mom and dad arrived at Wisconsin… I woke up and saw my grandmother, my aunts, my uncle, my grandfather and my cousin Julio shaking their heads, looking down and with tears falling down their cheeks. I was so scared, I knew something bad happened. I walked right into the bathroom and heard how everyone was saying “Ednalis woke up, Ednalis woke up!” So, I got even more scared, my heart was pounding fast, I started to get anxiety, I just wanted to know what happened. So, when I walked out of the bathroom and went to the living room, my aunt said “Your mom is on the phone, she wants to tell you something…” and when I looked to my side, my brother was there, looking at me crying. I then knew what was going on. When I talked to mom on the phone and said “Hi mom…” she said “Hi baby… I’m talking to you because, your father left us” my reaction was “NO! NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOO WHERE DID HE GO?! WHY?!” I was crying like crazy, I couldn’t believe what was happening, I couldn’t accept my daddy was gone… I was a 13 year old girl with no dad, hoping my daddy was coming home but… he wasn’t. This was the toughest situation ever. Knowing my dad wasn’t coming back, knowing how much my life was going to change without him. I needed him, I still need him. Today, I’m 18 years old. My dad is up there in heaven taking care of me and all my loved ones. I still keep everything my daddy gave me and when I say everything, I really mean EVERYTHING. From a stuffed dog purse to the gold necklace. It took me a lot of time to overcome his death, and I still shed a tear every once in a while. But, I know he’s better where he is because, he’s cured. And, I know he’s proud of the young adult I’ve become. I love you daddy <3

The third one that left us was my cousin Tatiana, my Tati, my beautiful Tati. She was only 24 years old when she died. Mother of my 7 year old cousin; Paola. Tatiana was the best and happiest person you would’ve ever met. Her presence gave us happiness and joy every time she walked into a room. Tati, was full of life and was a really great mother. She was my dad’s happy girl. She was daddy’s youngest niece. Nobody ever thought she was going to part from this life so soon. Why is she no longer with us at such a short age? Well, Tatiana got shot to death on September 30, 2012. By a heartless man, a man that doesn’t even deserve to be called man. An idiot without a single drop of compassion in his heart… Oh wait… what heart? he doesn’t have a heart. He killed my Tati, he shot her, he took her life. That  asshole took away my Tati’s life. She didn’t deserve that abuse, she didn’t deserve any abuse. Tati, my beautiful Tati. I know that, wherever you are, you’re better than down here where you’re not safe anywhere. I know you reunited with daddy and with uncle Cano… I love you Tatiana.

Those are my three angels. The three angels that are taking care of us from up there. The most beautiful angels and the ones that are lighting up heaven. I miss you all so much. I love you so much. Rest in peace my angels.

-Ednalis N. Rodriguez © 2012